A second filking

[Akker Redd]

Fry Hard (to the tune of "Die Hard" by Venom)

Johnny, Fry-cook
Feeds them to the grave
Bacon, pork-chops
These piggies can't be saved
He can season
Uses spatulas and tools
He's gonna Fry Hard,
In the food he drools


Fry Hard
Truckers special meal
Fry Hard
Cream gravy congealed
Fry Hard
Heartburn guaranteed
Fry Hard
Fry Hard


Simmer, boil
In the back-room reading porn
Onions, Parsley
Biscuits are only warm
He can RAISE the fires
Of gastronomic blasphemy
We need rolaids
Satanic dysentery

Fry Hard
Truckers special meal
Fry Hard
Cream gravy congealed
Fry Hard
Heartburn guaranteed
Fry Hard
Fry Hard


Eggs and waffles
Vomit in the night
Bribe the Health Inspector
Meth is on our side
Flatulence burnin' bright
Grease trap getting clogged

Fry Hard
Truckers special meal
Fry Hard
Cream gravy congealed
Fry Hard
Heartburn guaranteed
Fry Hard
Fry Hard

[Johnny The Cook]

An Excellent Filk!

[hoa nguyen]

Holy shit!!!! That may be one of the finest filks ever posted here. 

[hoa nguyen]

And here's a song for Buck...

GREASE MONKEY (Sung to the tune of "Brass Monkey" by the Beastie Boys)

(Chorus) Grease monkey - that funky monkey
Grass monkey - flunkie
That funky monkey

Got this job that pays the rent
I'm a grease monkey and my paycheck's spent
Gimme that wrench and gimme that jack
$60 labor charge gets me on my back
I'm Buck with the tow truck - Engine Joe
I'll take a line of crank but pass on the blow
I'm offered Miller and I'll drink a Bud
30-weight in my veins instead of blood
I'll work all nite to adjust a tail pipe
Fix any ride, make, model or type
I'm a grease monkey and I rock well
I got a garage in Taos -- that's where I dwell

(repeat chorus)

Cause I can fix anything and in any place
Check CV joints, open up your crank case
I'll put your car up on my lift
Do a line of speed if I work a double shift
Name on my shirt and I smell kinda funky
Greasy ball cap cause I'm a grease monkey
This girl drove in, asked for an oil change
She looked me up and down like I had the mange
I turned on the charm, washed with Lava
Offered her a cup of day-old java
She took one sip then spewed it out her lips
She wasn't impressed by my vice grips

(repeat chorus)

Diagnostic machines I just don't need
Only tools I got are my wrenches and speed
Have a bump, have another, work all night
Bondo-ing fenders until they look just right
You got a BMW, thinking you're cool
Don't bring it in here, you fancy fool
I can take apart a Ford in seconds flat
But I won't do a Euro ride for a spoiled brat
Chrysler and Chevy, Buick and Ford
I can fix them all if the labor you can afford
Might take a week but the part's on order
Got a rebuilt one shipped from across the border
Wrench it, cinch it, bolt it and hold it
I can fix your car even if you rolled it
I got the wrench - I got the pliers
Make you a deal on some white wall tires

(repeat chorus)

[Brand Nar Gath]

Holy shit!!!! That may be one of the finest filks ever posted here. 

I would concur.

[Akker Redd]

Holy shit!!!! That may be one of the finest filks ever posted here. 

I would concur.

Well thanks  . And I loved the Grease Monkey (even if the original song is totally obnoxious)

[Joe Jack Onassis]

obnoxious?  really?

[hoa nguyen]

THIS PARTY IS RETARDED (Sung to the tune of "Get the Party Started" by Pink)

We're a buncha freaks
Just watch out
Yeah, this party is retarded
We're a buncha freaks
A buncha
We're a buncha freaks
Just watch out
Yeah, this party is retarded

This party is retarded
The town freaks of Taos
Everybody's waitin'
For us to bring the chaos
Cops and criminals
And a nun for good luck
Armed to the teeth
And we don't give a fuck
How'd we end up
In this huge mess
Zombies, men in black
Green clouds overhead

We're a buncha freaks
Just watch out
Yeah, this party is retarded
We're a buncha freaks
A buncha
We're a buncha freaks
Just watch out
Yeah, this party is retarded

Writing parking tickets
Breaking into rich folks' cribs
Banging dents outta fenders
Or serving steaks and ribs
We're an unlikely team
A weird combination
It's really kind of freaky
If we're this town's salvation
First we're fighting zombies
Underneath a cloud of green
Now the men in black
Have entered the scene

We're a buncha freaks
Just watch out
Yeah, this party is retarded
We're a buncha freaks
A buncha
We're a buncha freaks
Just watch out
Yeah, this party is retarded

There's a strange factory
Way up in the woods
Taking lots of deliveries
Maybe more than it should
We checked it all out
But guards scared us away
Machine gun towers
Just don't make our day
So now we're in town
Breaking down doors
Trying to figure out
What the feds have in store

We're a buncha freaks
Just watch out
Yeah, this party is retarded
We're a buncha freaks
A buncha
We're a buncha freaks
Just watch out
Yeah, this party is retarded
Yeah, this party is retarded right now
Yeah, this party is retarded
Yeah, this party is retarded right now

[Johnny The Cook]

"The Cook at Luv's" (To the tune of "The Look of Love" by Burt Bacharach)

The cook at Luv's
Is good with knives
The cook dices up some chives
The cook at Luv's
Is something much more
Than a greasy spoon griller
I don't know what you've heard
But the Cook is a killer

He can hardly wait for a fight
He seems to take delight
His food's OK, maybe
Gravy is always white
But in a fight he's alright

Talk to the cook at Luv's
Greasy, it’s true
and adorned with tattoos
But the cook at Luv’s,
When you need some backup
For a mission to slay
Rogue zombies and more
He’ll help to drive them away.

He can hardly wait to kill them
Cause a little mayhem
How long has he waited
Waited just to cut them
Sliced like an onion stem
You don’t know

He cannot wait whack zombies
Slicing them just like cheese
How long has he waited
Waited serving up peas
To show off his expertise
You don’t know
You’ll never know
Try the Bordeaux

[hoa nguyen]

I'VE JUST SEEN A BASE (Sung to the tune of "I've Just Seen A Face" by the Beatles)

I've just seen a base
I can't figure out why it's here on the mountainside
It's all kind of creepy
And I think I'd like to know what's inside
Mm mm mm mm mm mm

Had it been another day
I might have looked the other way
When that tanker rolled on through
I had to wonder what to do
La la la la la la

Sneaking, yes I am sneaking
To see what may be leaking
Out of that base

I've never seen a place quite like this
It's got guards on towers that don't often miss
So I kept out of sight
For this ain't a resort with a lodge and a lift
Da da da da da da

Sneaking, yes I am sneaking
To see what may be leaking
Out of that base
Yeah, pa pa pa pa

Sneaking, yes I am sneaking
To see what may be leaking
Out of that base

I've just seen a base
I can't figure out why it's here on the mountainside
It's all kind of creepy
And I think I'd like to know what's inside
Mm mm mm mm mm mm

Sneaking, yes I am sneaking
To see what may be leaking
Out of that base
Sneaking, yes I am sneaking
To see what may be leaking
Out of that base
Sneaking, yes I am sneaking
To see what may be leaking
Out of that base