Filk early, filk often

[hoa nguyen]

SUBTERRANEAN FALLOUT BLUES (Sung to the tune of "Subterranean Homesick Blues" by Bob Dylan)

The nun's in the basement
Hanging with some dead gent
I'm on the pavement
Trying to outrun the government
The men in the black coats
Badges out, taking notes
They're hiding behind black shades
Working for the NSA
Look out man
Something just began
Flames gonna fan
And I think we need a new plan
You better look for a shelter now
Post office or somewhere
The men in the uniforms
In the base up there
Waving around rifles
Like they just don't care

Johnny cooks a mean steak
But on his coffee break
He'll throw a punch down
Knock a trucker clear to the next town
Used to kill for Uncle Sam
Now he's just a drifter man
Working anywhere he can
Slinging hash and greasy ham
Look out man
Don't matter what just began
Keep to the woods
Those guys're up to no good
Buying more than they should
Time to look under the hood
Sneak on inside
In Johnny's big ride
You better try not to collide
After the party commits homicide

Officer Mike, Deputy Jack
Nazi geezer on the attack
Gone crazy, sure is hazy
Can't call Patrick Swayze
Fight hard, armed guard
Grab a gun, pump the lead
Get mad, shoot 'em dead
If it's zombies, aim for the head
Look out man
Don't want an atomic tan
But militants, hot heads
They ain't so innocent
Who are these freaky feds
Guys on the mountaintop
In their armored truck stop
Don't take anymore lip
Here comes the apocalypse

Ah stay alive, try to thrive
Mushroom cloud, funeral shroud
Duck and cover, one another
Can't cry to your mother
Help her, help him, go hide
Steal a car, steal a ride
Twenty years in Taos
And you still may get fried
Look out man
Stay out of the can
Get away from the fallout
Get ready for the big drought
Don't mill about
Hope you were trained like an Eagle Scout
Don't wanna lose your hair
Stay away from there
Don't drink from that spout
Or your teeth will all fall out

[Johnny The Cook]

Great filk...but I'm still gonna call Patrick Swayze.

[hoa nguyen]

Great filk...but I'm still gonna call Patrick Swayze.

well, he may be skiing in Vail with Bruce Willis and Don Henley.

[Joe Jack Onassis]

Officer Mike, Deputy Jack
Nazi geezer on the attack

Please refer to my previous filk regarding the proper usage of my first names. 

[hoa nguyen]

Well, here's a filk for Mr. Onaassis...

CALL ME JOE JACK (Sung to the tune of "Hit the Road Jack" by Ray Charles)

(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more, no more, no more, no more)
(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more)
What you say?
(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more, no more, no more, no more)
(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more)

Woah people, oh people, don't mess with me
You gotta show some respect to the deputy
You gotta get my name right
Or I'll have to lock you up overnight
(That's right)

(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more, no more, no more, no more)
(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more)
What you say?
(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more, no more, no more, no more)
(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more)

Now baby, listen baby, don't call me Jack, no way
And there's no way just Joe would be OK
(What about if I call you Applejack?)
(Is that OK or will you give me a smack?)
Well, I guess if you say so
I'd just have to let that one go.
(That's right)

(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more, no more, no more, no more)
(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more)
What you say?
(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more, no more, no more, no more)
(Call me Joe Jack and don't you talk smack no more)

Well
(Don't you talk smack no more)
Uh, what you say?
(Don't you talk smack no more)
That's my name, baby
(Don't you talk smack no more)
Don't wear it out now
(Don't you talk smack no more)
No more of this Jack shit
(Don't you talk smack no more)
What you tryin' to do to me?
(Don't you talk smack no more)
Oh, don't treat me like that
(Don't you talk smack no more)

[Joe Jack Onassis]

Nice.  Very nice.

[hoa nguyen]

A BULLET FROM HOA NGUYEN (Sung to the tune of "A Candle in the Wind" by Elton John)

Goodbye stupid cop
Threw me in the back of your ride
You had the balls to bust my ass
While I was ripping off some rich guy
Your kind is crawling all over town
Busting every minority
Don't you have better things to do
Than protect some rich man's greed

And it seems to me you'll lose your life
To a bullet from Hoa Nguyen
I hope you know just who shot you
In the battle's din
And I would have liked to machete you
But a gun is just as nice
Your life will trickle out long before
Your body's packed in ice

And those creepy men in black
They're on my shit list too
Creating killer clouds and zombies
That bleed acidic goo
I'm destined for death row
Don't care that it's a federal crime
And mushroom clouds on the horizon
Tell me we haven't got much time

And it seems to me you'll lose your life
To a bullet from Hoa Nguyen
I hope you know just who shot you
In the battle's din
And I would have liked to machete you
But a gun is just as nice
Your life will trickle out long before
Your body's packed in ice

Goodbye all you pricks
From the young Viet with a Glock
I just wanna see you laying on the ground
And your body outlined with chalk

[Brand Nar Gath]

that is one angry nip.

[Sister Bea Attitude]

Apple Jack (Sung to the tune of...well..."Apple Jack" by Miss Dolly Parton)

He lived by the police station in this little Taos town
His real name was Joe Jack Onasis but I called him Apple Jack
Now Dep. Apple Jack was loved by everyone he ever knew
Apple Jack picked apples but he shot a 12 gauge too

Chorus:
 
Kill a ghoul for me Apple Jack, Apple Jack
Kill a ghoul for me or I'll die
Kill a ghoul for me Apple Jack, Apple Jack
Shoot a gun, let your 12 gauge ring


Now I'd go down to Apple Jack's whenever there were ghouls
We'd run and shoot zombies that some green cluod had made
Then he'd take his shotgun down then he'd ask me if I had tools
And he would shoot his 12 gauge and I'd run around afraid

Chorus

That's when I was just a fool and now the apocolypse is here
All I have are memories, Dep. Apple Jack has scars
Oh, but he won't leave me down in the basement at hospital
He knows he'll need divine help underneath the stars

[hoa nguyen]

Awwww. 

Apple Jack (Sung to the tune of...well..."Apple Jack" by Miss Dolly Parton)

He lived by the police station in this little Taos town
His real name was Joe Jack Onasis but I called him Apple Jack
Now Dep. Apple Jack was loved by everyone he ever knew
Apple Jack picked apples but he shot a 12 gauge too

Chorus:
 
Kill a ghoul for me Apple Jack, Apple Jack
Kill a ghoul for me or I'll die
Kill a ghoul for me Apple Jack, Apple Jack
Shoot a gun, let your 12 gauge ring


Now I'd go down to Apple Jack's whenever there were ghouls
We'd run and shoot zombies that some green cluod had made
Then he'd take his shotgun down then he'd ask me if I had tools
And he would shoot his 12 gauge and I'd run around afraid

Chorus

That's when I was just a fool and now the apocolypse is here
All I have are memories, Dep. Apple Jack has scars
Oh, but he won't leave me down in the basement at hospital
He knows he'll need divine help underneath the stars

[hoa nguyen]

that is one angry nip.

Oh yeah. Why should I be angry about anything?

[Shotoku]

Love it or leave it gook

[hoa nguyen]

Love it or leave it gook

I'm a fucking citizen. I've lived here since I was 4.

I got every right to be here and be annihilated along with the rest of the general populace.

[Akker Redd]

I just wish the white man had annihilated himself back in europe before ever coming here.

[hoa nguyen]

MUSHROOM RISING (Sung to the tune of "Bad Moon Rising" by CCR)

I see a mushroom rising
I see fallout on the way
I see a long atomic winter
I blame the bad old NSA

CHORUS:
Duck and cover up tonight
And don't look into the light
Theres a mushroom on the rise

I see debris flying 'cross the desert
I know it might cut us to bits
I fear radiation sickness
This is as scary as it gets

CHORUS
All right!

Hope we can find a fallout shelter
Hope we don't kill each other first
Looks like we'll be all cooped up together
I hope that we don't die from thirst

CHORUS