Allow me to get this week's Ball of Filk rolling

[hoa nguyen]

DON'T GO POSTAL ON US, COOKIE (Sung to the tune of "Don't Pull Your Love Out on Me, Baby" by Hamilton Joe Frankenreynolds)

Don't go postal on us, cookie
Cause we know you ain't no rookie
Saw more in Iraq than just camels and scuds
Don't go postal on us, Johnny
Think you're killing Baghdad commies
Please don't leave us drownin' in our blood

Gee, you're good with your fists
Trained well by the feds
Just don't have a flashback
Rain blows down on our heads
Y'know when you come unhinged
You'll kill everything in your path
Y'know we don't wanna die in a nasty bloodbath

Don't go postal on us, cookie
Cause we know you ain't no rookie
Saw more in Iraq than just camels and scuds
Don't go postal on us, Johnny
Think you're killing Baghdad commies
Please don't leave us drownin' in our blood

Haven't we been good to you
Sharing cigs and MREs
But this shelter is getting cramped
And PTSD is a grave disease
Should we keep you medicated
So you don't go ballistic
We saw you with  those kids and know you're sadistic

Don't go postal on us, cookie
Cause we know you ain't no rookie
Saw more in Iraq than just camels and scuds
Don't go postal on us, Johnny
Think you're killing Baghdad commies
Please don't leave us drownin' in our blood

There's so much we need to do
Kill scorpions and forage for food
Danger's growing and we need you in our crew

Don't go postal on us, cookie
Cause we know you ain't no rookie
Saw more in Iraq than just camels and scuds
Don't go postal on us, Johnny
Think you're killing Baghdad commies
Please don't leave us drownin' in our blood

[hoa nguyen]

IT'S THE END OF THE WORLD (Sung to "It's a Wonderful World" by Louis Armstrong)

I see clouds of green, undead zombies too
They want to eat us, both me and you
And I think to myself, it's the end of the world

I see skies of red, mushroom clouds of grey
The winds are blowing, fallout headed our way
And I think to myself, it's the end of the world

My retinas are burned up from looking at the sky
Flash burns on the faces of people stumbling by
I see people outside the shelter with melting skin
They're really saying "Let me in!!!"

I hear babies cryin', I watch them glow
They'll soon mutate and extra limbs will grow
And I think to myself, it's the end of the world
Yes, I think to myself, it's the end of the world

***Oh yeah,  you might enjoy this too:

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/VxCM9dellRs&amp;ap=%2526fmt%3D18&amp;rel=0" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/VxCM9dellRs&amp;ap=%2526fmt%3D18&amp;rel=0</a>

***

[Johnny The Cook]

Well...as long as you are reprinting filks from another thread...

"Ass Raped in the Shelter" (sung to the tune of "The Small Hours" appropriately by Holocaust and covered by Metallica on Garage Days Re-Revisited)

Ass raped in the shelter, poor Sister Bea
Tear off her habit, ass laid bare
You cannot save Bea, she has no prayer
Her body broken...no repair

And as I'm giving it to you, in my own special way
Your sanity crumbles, day after day, a-ha

Nuclear bombs have gone off, it was a blast
All of the people are aghast
You're now at my mercy, you soon will see
As I go on a raping spree

And as I'm laying into you, in my own special way
Your sanity crumbles, day after day

Do not take for granted, that you are safe
You'll be defiled until you chafe
No one gets a pass, all get a turn
You've got something for which I yearn

And as I am fucking you, in my own special way
Your sanity crumbles, day after day

[hoa nguyen]

Oooops! Sorry. I forgot to move that one over.

Well...as long as your a reprinting filks from another thread...

"Ass Raped in the Shelter" (sung to the tune of "The Small Hours" appropriately by Holocaust and covered by Metallica on Garage Days Re-Revisited)

Ass raped in the shelter, poor Sister Bea
Tear off her habit, ass laid bare
You cannot save Bea, she has no prayer
Her body broken...no repair

And as I'm giving it to you, in my own special way
Your sanity crumbles, day after day, a-ha

Nuclear bombs have gone off, it was a blast
All of the people are aghast
You're now at my mercy, you soon will see
As I go on a raping spree

And as I'm laying into you, in my own special way
Your sanity crumbles, day after day

Do not take for granted, that you are safe
You'll be defiled until you chafe
No one gets a pass, all get a turn
You've got something for which I yearn

And as I am fucking you, in my own special way
Your sanity crumbles, day after day

[hoa nguyen]

FALLOUT FIESTA (Sung to the tune of "Copa Cabana" by Barely Manatall)

His name was Johnny, he was a psycho
With two tours in Iraq and a dangerously short fuse
He knew karate and he knew judo
And while he worked slinging hash
The Sister looked after the sick
In the hospital ward, she worked from 6 til 4
They were young and they were survivors
Who could ask for more?

CHORUS:

At the fallout, fallout fiesta
The hottest spot in the nuclear winter
At the fallout, fallout fiesta
To escape the radiation they faced weeks of frustration
In the shelter.... they fell in love

His name was Joe Jack
He was a lawman
He made it to the shelter, and he saw the Sister sitting there
He was wounded, so he called her over
But Joe Jack tried to get her in the sack
And Johnny had a flashback
And then the punches rained, it was quite insane
There was blood and a scorpion sting
But just who stung who?

REPEAT CHORUS

At the shelter... he lost his love

His name was Johnny, he was a psycho
But that was 30 years ago, in that shelter down below
Now it's unused by the survivors
Johnny's joined a mutant band
And he's grown an extra hand
He's got extra knuckes, wants to tattoo them for chuckles
He lost his youth and he lost the Sister
Now he's lost his mind

REPEAT CHORUS

In the shelter... don't fall in love
Don't fall in love

[Sister Bea Attitude]

"At Last" ("At Last" Ella Fitzgerald)

At last my nuke has come along
My sea-sick days are over
Where is that fucking bong
At last the skies above are gray
And my throat was chocked up by hands
The night I looked away
I found a zombie that I can scream to
A drone that I could call my own
I found a vein to press my hypo to
A drug that I have never known
You died, and then the spell was passed
And here we are in Taos
And you are mine at last

Am I home now?

[Johnny The Cook]

Welcome Back.

Here's an ode to everyone's favorite nun...

Sister Bea (sung to the tune of "Let It Be" by the Bea-tles.

When we all thought the world was near the end
She ministered to you and me
First aiding the injured, Sister Bea.
We found her in the hospital
Trapped and not able to flee
With the dying mayor, Sister Bea.
Sister Bea, Sister Bea.
Sister Bea, Sister Bea.
With the dying mayor, Sister Bea.

And when the children became zombies
She swung her axe with glee,
Cleaving through the children, Sister Bea.
For though she may be holy she’s still
Going on a chopping spree
Cleaving little children, Sister Bea.

Sister Bea, Sister Bea.
Sister Bea, Sister Bea.
Cleaving through the children, Sister Bea.

Sister Bea, Sister Bea.
Sister Bea, Sister Bea.
With black-and-white habit, Sister Bea.

(instrumental break)

Sister Bea, Sister Bea.
Sister Bea, Sister Bea.
Married to ol’ Jesus, Sister Bea.

We made it to the shelter,
There were no lights that we could see.
Here have my flashlight, Sister Bea.
She tended to the undead children
Euthanized them quietly
Killing zombie children, Sister Bea.

Sister Bea, Sister Bea.
Sister Bea, yeah Sister Bea.
Kill the zombie children, Sister Bea.

Sister Bea, Sister Bea.
Sister Bea, yeah Sister Bea.
Killing zombie children, Sister Bea.

[Sister Bea Attitude]

Oh, Paul.  That was so sweet.  You know the way to a nun's heart.

[Johnny The Cook]

FALLOUT FIESTA (Sung to the tune of "Copa Cabana" by Barely Manatall)

Excellent! My favorite Manilow croon!

[hoa nguyen]

SEVEN DOPES IN A SHELTER (Sung to the tune of "Three Coins in a Fountain" by Frank Sinatra, et al)

Seven dopes in a shelter
Each one hoping to survive
Thrown together by fate's folly
Which ones will remain alive

Seven fools in a shelter
Each a different breed of cat
Cops and criminals and clergy
Who will be the first to pull a gat

Which ones will remian alive
Which ones will remian alive

Seven dopes in a shelter
Tension's mounting every day
When will come the breaking point
When will tempers start to fray

Let me live, let me live, let me live

[hoa nguyen]

LIBRARY SHELTER (Sung to the tune of "Eleanor Rigby" by the Beatles)

Ah, look at all the cabin fever
Ah, look at all the cabin fever

Library shelter hides its residents from fallout and dangers outside
Can they survive?
Mutated insects crawl through the bunker, stinging and pinching and biting at will
Have you had your fill?

All the cabin fever
How long can they hold out?
All the cabin fever
Who will go bat shit first?

Buck Turgidson is tinkerkering with tools, building a MacGyver-like machine
What does it mean?
Officer Mikhail, look at him glaring at the Vietnamese crook who got away
To his dismay

All the cabin fever
How long can they hold out?
All the cabin fever
Who will go bat shit first?

Library shelter, it's full to the brim, chock full of oddballs and misfits and freaks
Weirder than Twin Peaks
The quiet one Clem smiles so eerily while cleaning his gun with the cloth of his cap
When will he snap?

All the cabin fever
How long can they hold out?
All the cabin fever
Who will go bat shit first?

[Johnny The Cook]

Johnny's joined a mutant band
And he's grown an extra hand
He's got extra knuckes, wants to tattoo them for chuckles

Rene...I hope you are paying attention...I want an extra hand.

[Brand Nar Gath]

Johnny's joined a mutant band
And he's grown an extra hand
He's got extra knuckes, wants to tattoo them for chuckles

Rene...I hope you are paying attention...I want an extra hand.

I can't believe you don't already have an extra hand or two.