What? No Filking on Labour Day?!?!?

[Brand Nar Gath]

you bastards must have the day off.  Oh, good on ye.

[Joe Jack Onassis]

"DON'T TAKE YOUR NUN TO TOWN"  (to the tune of "don't take your gun to town" by Mr. Johnny Cash)

A young fry cook named Johnny Croc grew restless underground
He dreamed of setting out one day to see what could be found
He stored his ladles, honed his knives and turned his burners down
And Oprah cried as he hiked out
     Don't take your nun to town, John
     Leave your nun with Clem, son
     Dont take your nun to town
A hard ass cop named only Mike joined in to tag along
In better days he got his kicks by keeping Asians down
His shoes were tied, his guns were shined, his bullets had been found
Mrs. Winfrey said it one more time
     Don't take your nun to town, Mike
     Leave your nun with homeboy
     don't take your nun to town
The two set forth prepared to do whatever Joe Jack said
The snow was cold, the ice was slick, but still they forged ahead
John slipped into the riverbed and there he almost drowned
And thought again of Oprah's words
     Don't take your nun to town, John
     Leave your nun with Clem, boy
     Don't take your nun to town
The Wal-Mart called so there they went to see what they could find
The place had been looted before but neither seemed to mind
They shined their lights, they shouted out, began to poke around
Oprah's words, they echoed out
     Don't take your nun to town, boys
     leave your nun at home, son
     Don't take your nun to town
A bear sprang forth from darkest black and gave a mighty roar
The nun she grabbed her deadly axe, turned tail and hit the door
The bear he swung his mighty paw, the two fell to the floor
And Joe Jack heard their final words
     Don't take your nun to town, son
     Leave your nun with homeboy
     Don't take your nun to town

[Joe Jack Onassis]

In America we spell it "labor"

[Brand Nar Gath]

You must mean that in the USA you spell it labor.  Queens English, Portugese, Spanish, and 100's of Indian dialects have differing words for labor.  Maybe Joe Jack should take some time to examine the cultural qualities of the America's...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Native_American

[hoa nguyen]

SEVENTEEN CLICKS AND RISIN' (Sung to the tune of "Five Feet High and Risin'" by Johnny Cash)

My mama always taught me that good things come from adversity if we put our faith in the Lord.
We couldn't see much good in the nuclear winter when it caused us 1d4+1 damage every few rounds.
But when we got to the Wal-Mart, we found parkas, shotgun shells and some little chocolate donuts still in their packages.
Those donuts were the best meal we'd had since the Johnny the Cook ran through the shelter's supply of potted meat.

I remember hearing:

How high's the Geiger counter?
13 clicks and risin'
How high's the Geiger counter?
13 clicks and risin'

Well, we must march forth, Oprah's decreed
It's stuffy down here and new clothes we need
I just wanna reclaim my stash of weed
13 clicks and risin'

How high's the Geiger counter?
14 clicks and risin'
How high's the Geiger counter?
14 clicks and risin'

Heading to the Wal-Mart through this glowing snow
Hope we don't freeze, gotta long way to go
Make your save or another die you'll throw
14 clicks and risin'

How high's the Geiger counter?
15 clicks and risin'
How high's the Geiger counter?
15 clicks and risin'

Hey, come look at this dire bear
Wandering the isle next to women's wear
Good thing I've got some bullets to spare
15 clicks and risin'

How high's the Geiger counter?
16 clicks and risin'
How high's the Geiger counter?
16 clicks and risin'

Well, should we camp here for the night
Or would a fire shed too much light
Bring mutant thugs itching for a fight
17 clicks and risin'

Well, it's 17 clicks and risin'

[Johnny The Cook]

Bear Baitin' Blues (sung to the tune of "Rockabilly Blues" by Johnny Cash)

I took a hike to Walmart
Through the nuclear winter
Jumped across that frozen bridge
And I fell and got a splinter
I'm bruised and I’m bleedin’
But I get my second wind
I keep on goin’
Just a bit chagrinned

I was ready for zombies
Or radioactive ooze
But I’m at the end of my rope
With these ol’ bear baitin’ blues

I just stumbled in to his lair
And all my rolls were bad
He got the jump on me and
That ursine beast was mad
It grappled and it clawed at me
Then chomped down on my head
Shook me like a little kitten
And it just left me there for dead

I was ready for zombies
Or radioactive ooze
But I’m seein’ the afterlife
With mutant bear baitin’ blues

It's hard to keep on cooking
When you're filleted to the bone
I’m now completely laid out
Not breath enough to moan
But I’ve got to keep on fighting
And get back sans delay
Or else the refugees will be
Eating food cooked by Bobby Flay

I was ready for zombies
Or radioactive ooze
But things just ain’t the same now
With these ol’ bear baitin’ blues

[hoa nguyen]

VIETNAMESE PAWN SHOP GLOCK (Sung to the tune of "Tennessee Flat Top Box" by Johnny Cash)

In a run-down little pawn shop in the 4th Ward of Houston town
A Vietnamese girl walked to the counter and she laid her money down
It was all the green she'd made dealing and there was a gun someone had hocked
Soon enough, she would be known
As the little gangsta girl with the Vietnamese pawn shop Glock

And she would slay: (Instrumental)

Well, she couldn’t hold a straight job because she had a bad attitude
Quick tempered and cocky with more than her share of bad tattoos
All the shopkeepers and business owners gave her room when she walked the block
They forked over protection money
To the little gangsta girl with the Vietnamese pawn shop Glock

And she would slay: (Instrumental)

Then one day she moved to Taos after Houston cops started nosing around
She vanished just like the breeze and tried to go straight in that resort town
But she still kept her gun in the dresser, inside a box that was always locked
She knew that one day again
She’d be the little gangsta girl with the Vietnamese pawn shop Glock

And she would slay: (Instrumental)

Then mushroom clouds appeared on the horizon and society broke on down
She disappeared with some others into a shelter hidden under the ground
As she hid there with all the rest, she kept the safety on her gun locked
She knew that one day soon
They’d need the little gangsta girl with the Vietnamese pawn shop Glock

And she would slay: (Instrumental)

[Joe Jack Onassis]

You must mean that in the USA you spell it labor.  Queens English, Portugese, Spanish, and 100's of Indian dialects have differing words for labor.  Maybe Joe Jack should take some time to examine the cultural qualities of the America's...

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Native_American

No, I meant that in the good part of America we spell it labor, and we also don't put apostrophes in plural nouns.

[Joe Jack Onassis]

This one's for Johnny and Mike, thank God New Mexico is lenient with the liquor laws.

"TAOS BLUE-LIGHT SPECIAL"  ( to the tune of Mr. Cash's "Orange Blossom Special")

Look down yonder aisle
Down there by that cook on his back
Hey, look down yonder aisle
Down there by that cook on his back
It's the Taos Blue-Light Special
Bringing my HP back

Well I'm headen down aisle seven
And pick me up some discount booze
Or maybe aisle eleven
and pick me up some discount booze
I'll hit that Taos Blue-Light special
And lose these post-war blues

"Say, Mike, when you going back to walking?"
"Going back to walking?  I dunno, don't reckon I ever will."
"Ain't you worried about gettin' stuck here in Wal-Mart?"
"Well I don't care if I do-die-do-die-do-die-do-die."

Hey, talk about a-lucky
They sell liquor here and that's just fine
Talk about a lucky
They sell liquor here and that's just fine
It's that Taos Blue Light Special
Sellin' 'cross the county line

[hoa nguyen]

This one's for Johnny and Mike, thank God New Mexico is lenient with the liquor laws.

"TAOS BLUE-LIGHT SPECIAL"  ( to the tune of Mr. Cash's "Orange Blossom Special")

Look down yonder aisle
Down there by that cook on his back
Hey, look down yonder aisle
Down there by that cook on his back
It's the Taos Blue-Light Special
Bringing my HP back

Well I'm headen down aisle seven
And pick me up some discount booze
Or maybe aisle eleven
and pick me up some discount booze
I'll hit that Taos Blue-Light special
And lose these post-war blues

"Say, Mike, when you going back to walking?"
"Going back to walking?  I dunno, don't reckon I ever will."
"Ain't you worried about gettin' stuck here in Wal-Mart?"
"Well I don't care if I do-die-do-die-do-die-do-die."

Hey, talk about a-lucky
They sell liquor here and that's just fine
Talk about a lucky
They sell liquor here and that's just fine
It's that Taos Blue Light Special
Sellin' 'cross the county line

 

I'm glad you managed to keep the "do-die-do-die-do-die-do-die" part in the song. That was always my fav'ite part.

[Johnny The Cook]

The Cook/Johnny Varjak (Sung to the tune of "The Rebel/Johnny Yuma" by the Man in Black)

Johnny Varjak was a hash slinger
He roamed the wasteland
Did Johnny Varjak, the brawler
He went to Walmart

After he got there
He scared a bear
He pulled no guns
And rolled only ones
So what can you say
He nearly died that day
The cook, Johnny Varjak

(Repeat 1st verse)

He crossed a bridge
This restless lad
The last span was out
He jumped and missed
Then they heard him say
“Can I get an assist?”
The cook, Johnny Varjak

(Repeat 1st verse)

Missing span
A fallen man
Then that encounter
With a mutant bear
He was so mauled
He didn’t have a prayer
The cook, Johnny Varjak

[Johnny The Cook]

And Oprah cried as he hiked out
     Don't take your nun to town, John
     Leave your nun with Clem, son
     Dont take your nun to town

And you know she cried because I'm the father of her three children.

[hoa nguyen]

HEY OPRAH (Sung to the tune of "Hey Porter" by Johnny Cash)

Hey Oprah! Hey Oprah!
How did you end up down here?
How much longer will we be in this shelter
Living in darkness and fear?
Could you tell your clan of elders
To stop bossing us all around?
Or better still, send us up top
To have a look around.

Hey Oprah! Hey Oprah!
Are you leading this team?
Not sure who let you run this tribe
But your charisma must be 18.
When we come back from Wal-Mart
Is there any item we should bring?
I know you're richer than God
But surely you must want something

Hey Oprah! Hey Oprah!
The snow is deep outside
And if fail my saving throw
I'll have to roll a damage die
If we don't make it far enough
Please don't get mad at us
Cause the surface is a deadly place
Covered with atomic dust

Hey Oprah! Hey Oprah!
Could you entertain the troops?
Everyone inside the shelter
Could use a morale boost
Too bad that Dr. Phil
Wasn't skiing in Taos too
Because he'd make a better guest
Than those boring Rumsfelds do