Filking for closure

[hoa nguyen]

SHOT WITH A CHAIN GUN (Sung to the tune of "Back on the Chain Gang" by The Pretenders)

I found a cyborg gunner (Oh oh oh oh)
And he fucked our world that night
With a near fatal blast that cut us all down (Oh oh oh oh)
Now we're stew-meat sized bites
And we're dying in pain
Oh-oh, shot with a chain gun

An encounter beyond our h.p. (Oh oh oh oh)
Robot insects in the DM's menagerie
Ripped through our flesh like mosquitos from Hell (Oh oh oh oh)
Pumped slugs into our chests, left us close to death
And we're dying in pain
Oh-oh, shot with a chain gun

That cruel DM
Forces us to fight whatever we see
Brings bile to my throat
When I see what's left of me
I'm dying as I lay in this bed
Knowing my body's spent and charred
All that's left is my head
Floating in a glass ja-a-a-r

I found a picture of the cook (Oh oh oh oh)
Back when his body was all in one piece
You know, he'll never deep fry again (Oh oh oh oh)
Now that he's lost all of his limbs
Now we're dying in pain
Oh-oh, shot with a chain gun

[hoa nguyen]

DOCTOR TENNANT (Sung to the tune of "Doctor Robert" by the Beatles)

Here he stands, hands on his hips, Doctor Tennant
Just what does he know about the apocalypse, Doctor Tennant
Doctor Tennant, he's quite a mysterious guy
His son just got stabbed in the eye
I'd sure like to know why, Doctor Tennant

He took us down to his compound, Doctor Tennant
His intentions they do confound, Doctor Tennant
Doctor Tennant, is he a friend or foe
Everyone would sure like to know
Why he wanders the ice and snow, Doctor Tennant

Well, well, well, we're up shit creek
Well, well, well, he's juat a ... Doctor Tennant

Can he help decipher the book, Doctor Tennant
Should we even give him a look, Doctor Tennant
Doctor Tennant, whose side is he on
I'm on my deathbed next to Paul Vaughn
I'm feeling like a pawn of Doctor Tennant

Well, well, well, we're up shit creek
Well, well, well, he's juat a ... Doctor Tennant

[Johnny The Cook]

Name, Rank & Number (to the tune of "Unforgettable" by Nat King Cole)

Name, rank and number, that's all you get
Name, rank and number, I’m not broke yet
Though I’m lying here so near to death
No fragment of me has a fear of death
So you see, all you get from me is...

Name, rank and number both night and day
And furthermore, I think you’re gay
That's why, captain, I’ll just slumber
And all you get is name, rank and number
While I get a pan for a number two!

<slumbering interlude>

No not anything
I don’t know anything…

Name, rank and number, I’ve got gangrene
Maybe I’ll talk, if you’ve got morphine
And so, captain, I’ll not encumber
With the game of name, rank and number
Give me dope and I’ll sell you Oprah too.

[Brand Nar Gath]

mmmmm, dope and Oprah.  yum.

[Akker Redd]

I'm not even injured yet I'm prepared to tell them anything.

[Johnny The Cook]

Area Man Wants You To Smell His New Bag Of Weed

Bloodthirsty, Undead Ghoul Advocates Chocolate-Cereal Consumption

Unemployed Karl Rove Forced To Live On Canned Babies

[hoa nguyen]

I'm not even injured yet I'm prepared to tell them anything.

Tell them anything. Just don't them everything.

[Akker Redd]

I'm not even injured yet I'm prepared to tell them anything.

Tell them anything. Just don't them everything.

I'd swear on stack of bibles. I wouldn't lie, not to "God".

[Johnny The Cook]

I Lie in Pieces (sung to the tune of "I Fall to Pieces" by Jim Reeves and, more popularly, Patsy Cline)

I lie in pieces
While the plot moves on again
I’m shot to pieces
Don’t even know where I’ve been

The evening is filled with exposition
Gotta keep my trap shut, pretend I don’t know what
All I’ve got is morphine in a quonset hut
Time goes by as I lie in pieces

I’m shot to pieces
I can’t respond to the clues
I’m all in pieces
But I thought Tenant had news

Old Tenant keeps talking about his book
Too bad he’s high and dry, his son stabbed in the eye
Kim Scott stole it with a lethal goodbye
No one talks while I lie in pieces

(I’m all in pieces)
I should have stayed far from harm
(I lie in pieces)
I may have lost an arm

I hear you’ve all seen a cool video
Where three commandoes strike, they’re two guys and a dyke
And they caused nuclear tensions to spike
I can’t explain as I lie in pieces

[Johnny The Cook]

“I’m Sorry Oprah” (sung to the tune of "Cleaning Out My Closet" by Eminem...I know, I'm plumbing the depths again. If it makes you feel better, I'm really filking to "

<a href="http://www.youtube.com/v/VYQEJL54Ed4&amp;ap=%2526fmt%3D18&amp;rel=0" target="_blank">http://www.youtube.com/v/VYQEJL54Ed4&amp;ap=%2526fmt%3D18&amp;rel=0</a>

" by the great Luke Ski who's filking to Eminem.)

Where's my arm?
I have no arm below my shoulder
Look below
Oh
Oh no...

Have you ever been blasted, or lambasted at length?
I have, I fought the cyborg and tried to use all my strength
I coulda won, but luck I got none and now I’m done
Victim of the cyborg, shot and now rotting in the morgue
All this commotion, need a healing potion as I’m exploding
Me and Hoa just lying there while the bastard’s reloading
He keeps unloading with the chain gun while we ain’t breathing
Keep’s pounding our asses all through the evening
They scraped us up off the floor, but I can’t feel no more
Through the gates we enter, taken to the med center
Look at me now, floating in this glowing blue ooze now
Oh no Oprah, I’m just not that same sweet loving cook now

I'm sorry Oprah
I really meant to screw you
I really meant to knock you up
But alas, I’m metal from the waist down
One More Time

I said I'm sorry Oprah
I really meant to screw you
I really meant to knock you up
But alas, I’m metal from the waist down
Ha!

[hoa nguyen]

METAL GUTS (Sung to the tune of "Metal Gods" by Judas Fucking Priest) 

I've taken my innards for granted
Until apart they were blown
Now I'm lying in the clinic
Looking at a body not my own

Kidneys made of tin
Underneath my skin
Iron and steel inside
Shiny gleaming spine

I can't walk through metal detectors
Now magnets stick to me
Is an AI now my director?
Can I even be free?

Alumninum spleen
I'm now part machine
Steel and silicon
My humanity is gone

Metal guts
Metal guts

(Solo: Glenn Tipton)

Metal guts
Metal guts

Would I have been better off
If I'd died in that attack
But if there's a silver lining
It may turn off Joe Jack

Aluminum tube
Digesting my food
Feeling kinda strange
When do I get an oil change

Metal guts
Metal guts

[Oprah]

very nice! i love all of the filks.. it took me a while to read through most of them... but very nice! thanks to everyone for playing!