Filking on the edge of the universe

[Eddie Chang]

DOCTOR EM (Sung to the tune of "Dr. Wu" by Steely Dan)

Eddie tried
I was swimming against the tide
I was flying to the other side of the universe
You walked in
And I got those old creeps again
If you're the doctor, I'd hate to see the nurse
All night long
You'd jab me with that stupid prong
And you would take another sample of tissue

Are you with me, Doctor Em?
Are you really just a surgeon with designs on my brain stem?
Are you a Mardac, are you an Iq or just perverted and sick?
What are you going to do again?
Are you with me, Doctor? 

Don't seem fair
You've been taking folicles of my hair
I've been waiting for the cure you said you'd develop
Planetside
While we were waiting for a shuttle ride
You went searching for a another sample to fill your cup
Eddie lies
You can see it in his eyes
But imagine my surprise when I saw you

Are you with me, Doctor Em?
Are you really just a surgeon with designs on my brain stem?
Are you a pashahanog, are you an Iq or just perverted and sick?
What are you going to do again?
Can you hear me Doctor Em?
Are you with me, Doctor Em?

[Dr. Em]

The Ballad of Eddie Chang (sung to the tune of "Just Between You and Me" by April Wine)

When he was a boy of three
'was sold to a Jaxon for experimenting
Made it through mostly intact
Wiser by far and thats a fact

The ballad of Eddie Chang
Money and booze, and green poon-tang
Hangin' with the Terran gang
He's a time bomb that's gonna (go) bang
The ballad of Eddie Chang

His lovers always seem to say
His love may be good, but not his money
Penny pincher to the end
Even in space he just won't spend

The ballad of Eddie Chang
Money and booze, and green poon-tang
Hangin' with the Terran gang
He's a time bomb that's gonna (go) bang
The ballad of Eddie Chang

He's off now on a quest to find
The ancient secrets of humankind
Dr. Em will help him find his way
And should he explode, he's cloned anyway

The ballad of Eddie Chang
Money and booze, and green poon-tang
Hangin' with the Terran gang
He's a time bomb that's gonna (go) bang
The ballad of Eddie Chang

[Eddie Chang]

I'M AFRAID OF OLD CTHULHU (Sung to the tune of "Melt with You" by Modern English)

Moving forward swimming to my death
Not sure why I'm even on this stupid quest
I saw his dark presence follow us through space
Always really knowing we could disappear without a trace

I'm afraid of old Cthulhu
I've seen his presence and he's getting weirder all the time
There's nothing vile that he won't do
I'm afraid of old Cthulhu

(You should know better)
Dream of a universe free from the outsider race
(You should see why)
Fiendish creatures that will tear the flesh off your face
(You should know better)
I made a pilgrimage to the ends of the universe
(You should see why)
And all I got for my troubles was this stupid t-shirt

(Yes, I'm afraid) I'm afraid of old Cthulhu
(Yes, I'm afraid) I've seen his presence and he's getting weirder all the time
(Yes, I'm afraid) There's nothing vile that he won't do
(Yes, I'm afraid) I'm afraid of old Cthulhu

His maw is open wide
His maw is open wide

(Yes, I'm afraid) I'm afraid of old Cthulhu
(Yes, I'm afraid) I've seen his presence and he's getting weirder all the time
(Yes, I'm afraid) There's nothing vile that he won't do
(Yes, I'm afraid) I'm afraid of old Cthulhu

His maw is open wide

hmmm hmmm hmmm
hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm
hmmm hmmm hmmm
hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm

(Yes, I'm afraid) I'm afraid of old Cthulhu
(Yes, I'm afraid) I've seen his presence and he's getting weirder all the time
(Yes, I'm afraid) There's nothing vile that he won't do
(Yes, I'm afraid) I'm afraid of old Cthulhu

I'm afraid of old Cthulhu (Yes, I'm afraid)
I'm afraid of old Cthulhu (Yes, I'm afraid)
I'm afraid of old Cthulhu (Yes, I'm afraid)
I'm afraid of old Cthulhu (Yes, I'm afraid)

[Lord of Ancients]

An Iq Named Who (to the tune of "A Boy Named Sue")

Well, I can't remember much of Hive-World number three,
what livin' with those bugs did to me,
But I got some claws and my pores can ooze.
Now some may say I flipped my lid,
Because I can't remember everything I did,
Well I guess that's why I'm an Iq named Who.
Now some critters think that must be a joke,
but there's no telling who I had to smoke,
I never really stop to think it through.
Some life-forms they bleed red,
And some some can live without a head,
Don't know what I've done as an Iq named Who.
Some of these Monitors may be mean,
and there's no tellin' what I seen,
I roamed the void back when I knew my name.
And I made it back into stars,
A'workinn' for for the Monitors,
And sometimes I wish I still knew my name.
Well, I was on Zaxarax deep in Hyper-space,
I woke up but didn't know my face,
But I always know just what to do.
In noodle bar on a street of mud,
A pashahanog introduced us to Doug,
All I could say was my name was Who.
He said that Ooris Marda was really bad,
It was the worst adventure he'd ever had,
He mighta held something back but he didn't lie.
We went on to that ancient world,
And I thought that water looked mighty cold, and I said,
"My name is Who! What do we do! Or are we gonna die?"

Well some monsters came up oozing eyes,
And there were quite a few to our surprise,
We hacked away at the nasty goo.
it burned a little armor,
And chaffed up my rear,
But soon we were floatin' in shoggoth stew.
I hate those Outsider vermin,
they get my thorax squirming,
They really bring up my bile.
Well we hacked them open and they sprayed out puss,
I punctured one and it really burst,
Killing this scum just makes me smile.
Then up from below came something rough,
And we couldn't see 'em and that made it tough,
We had to take 'em out before more came along.
So we hacked away and some gave them the evil eye,
I knew we'd make those bastards die,
And now were feelin' mighty strong.
I think I took some of the Charra's damage in this fight,
And the freakin' GM can't get it right,
To kill me now would be unfair to do.
But I don't think this is where I'm gonna die,
And I've barely tapped my inner eye,
'Cause I'm that son of hive of an Iq named Who.

Well we took those down without using a gun,
But I still wonder if we'll make it back to the sun,
We keep going down with nothing at all in view.
I'm just waiting for when,
We get attacked again,
I'll just try to have some fun,
But the next time I report in,
I gotta have a different name than Who!
I need a real name!