It's no Loverboy, but it's the first of the week

[gepetto corbucci]

One for poor Clamato Spicoli:

I Used to Have Two Hands (to the tune of the Beatles "I Wanna Hold Your Hand")

Oh yeah, I tried to push him
It was an ill-formed plan
His blood burned them clean off
And now I have no hands
I used to have two hands
I used to have two hands

Now please say to me
There's an adrenal gland
That could possibly
Grow back both of my hands
I used to have two hands
I used to have two hands

And when you say to me "at least you're still alive"
Just remember not to offer me
A high five, no high fives, no high fives

So next time you say hello
I'll try to remain brave
Just don't take offence
If I do not wave
I used to have two hands
I used to have two hands

Before you start to cheer I hope you give a pause
It is tasteless to give me a round
of applause, of applause, no applause

My heart's just not in it
To clap hands or to shake
But at least, unlike Corso's,
It doesn't hold a stake
I used to have two hands
I used to have two hands

[gepetto corbucci]

And since he lost two hands:

There Go Your Hands  (to the tune of the Pixies' "There Goes Your Man")

Outside there's Genoans waiting
Broadside the Captain and his crew
Where went the water demon?
Wait till those shadows get to you
Why did we spend all that time on
A forty-five minute plan
Out by Genoans waiting
The Mastelli's gone and took their stand

We planned and planned so long
     (so long, so long)
How did all this go wrong

There go your hands
There go your hands
There go your hands
There go your hands

Big stake on the plague ship sailing
Big stake and Donatti's fallin' down
Here's a hope that the demon armor
Make that Pinche Joto stand his ground

We planned and planned so long
     (so long, so long)
How did all this go wrong

There go your hands
There go your hands
The potion you slammed
Wolf claws on your hands

     ah-ee-yaa!
     ah-ee-yaa!
     ah-ooooh!
     ah-ooooh!

We planned and planned so long
     (so long, so long)
How did all this go wrong

There go your hands
There go your hands
How poorly we planned
There go your hands

There go your hands
There go your hands
Maybe we'll wash up on land
There go your hands

There go your hands
There go your hands
Where is the bluebird named Brand?
There go your hands

[Jean-Sebastian Clement]

Corso's in Torpor (to the tune of "Lights Out" by UFO)

Wind blows cold and the night is black
Genoans attack
Brave vampires on the defense
And the fighting is intense

From the galley’s cannons rumblin’
Smell of gunpowder
Demons striking, ships going down
Genoans all drown

Corso, Corso’s in Torpor
He’s been staked in the heart 
How can we win this battle
Without his power
Corso, Corso’s in Torpor
He’s been staked through the heart
Somehow we must find a way to go on…

Venetians have got to help themselves
That's the way it goes
All our demons have been routed
And now it’s us

Corso, Corso’s in Torpor
He’s been staked in the heart 
How will we win this battle
Without his humor
Corso, Corso’s in Torpor
He’s been staked through the heart
Somehow we must find a way to go on…

[INSTRUMENTAL]

Corso, Corso’s in Torpor
He’s been staked in the heart 
How can we win this battle
Without his power
Corso, Corso’s in Torpor
He’s been staked through the heart
Somehow we must find a way to go on…

They keep comin', there's no runnin'
Fight a thousand times
Under your feet the deck is slick
With the bloody grime

Corso, Corso’s in Torpor
He’s been staked in the heart 
How can we win this battle
Without his power
Corso, Corso’s in Torpor
He’s been staked through the heart
Somehow we must find a way to go on…

Corso, Corso’s in Torpor
Corso, Corso’s in Torpor