Let the Carpenters filk-off begin!!!

[Smiling Jack]

Silver Skull (to the tune of "Superstar" by El Gordo y La Flaca)

In a tomb and oh so far from home
We found your lovely form before the double doors
Your aura, it seems so evil here
But I'm sure that will clear
You'll gain a gentle glow

I don't belive that your presence will drive me crazy
When you're around me my judgement gets a bit hazy
Silver, silver, silver silverskull baby, I need you I really do

Abandonment is a such a sad affair
And I can hardly wait to take you home with me
What to say to calm our cleric down
We don't need him around
We'll find a name for you

I don't belive that your presence will drive me crazy
When you're around me my judgement gets a bit hazy
Silver, silver, silver silverskull baby, I need you I really do

I don't belive that your presence will drive me crazy
When you're around me my judgement gets a bit hazy
Silver, silver, silver silverskull baby, I need you I really do

[Smiling Jack]

Okay, I picked an easy one.  To make up for chosing their big song, I'll filk a song by a band who covered "Superstar."

Mister Sockets (to the tune of "Silver Rocket" by Sonic Youth)

Watch the hin
Sneaking from the hall
Gonna hide the skull
To keep it safe from Paul
Dig a hole
Put the skull right in
Hold on, change of plans
Party's closin' in

I've got it
We'll call him Mr. Sockets
Don't knock it
Picked a good name now he'll rock it

Move your jawbone
Talk into the mic
Our cleric, he don't like puppets
He can take a hike
We've got to combat
Your awful, evil glow
I'll give you new life
Like Topo Gigio

I've got it
We'll call him Mr. Sockets
Don't knock it
Picked a good name now he'll rock it

Keep him from the bashing
Keep him from the smashing
From rending the offending
It's your life we are defending
Our clerics not a creep
It's just the company he keeps
Just to fuck with him
We'll put you on him when he sleeps

I've got it
We'll call him Mr. Sockets
Don't knock it
Picked a good name now he'll rock it

[Brand Nar Gath]

When did the Carpenter's become Sonic Youth?  me likeey.

[Smiling Jack]

When did the Carpenter's become Sonic Youth? 

When Steve Shelley started puking up his creme brulees.

[Smiling Jack]

Okay, we've only just begun.  Now we need another song, for we all know this is a challenge.  Don't give me the excuse "it's going to take some time."  I've put up a song for you, now who's next?

...Maybe it's YOU!

[Náriël Telemnar]

Door of the Tomb (to the tune of "Top of the World" by Los Carpenteros)

When we found an evil artifact
I stated that the evil skull should be cracked
The party just poo-pooed
And I thought they were rude
And then I took off and did something wack

They went off to dig the skull a hole
I decided to alight upon a stroll
The reason is unclear
But now that I am here
Of my bowels I seem to be losing control

I’m at the door of the tomb lookin’ at the Dread Watcher
And the only solution that I can find
Is just to bar the door and put my feet to the floor
And run away from the door of the tomb

We came to return the Eye of Night
And we were not really expecting a fight
But these statues of stone and the fiend on the throne
Have got us all turning tail and taking flight

We are all only just level twos
Fighting vile undead with a hoard of statues
I know we all agree we hope to make level three
So we can just pray that they don’t pursue

We’re at the door of the tomb lookin’ at the Dread Watcher
And the only solution that we can find
Is to bid our farewells and study up some spells
Before we head back to the door of the tomb

[Nazurahei]

Reminds me of a joke:

Did you hear that Richard Carpenter is doing a cover of a Hollies song on his new solo album?

It's called "She Ain't Heavy, She's My Sister."

[Smiling Jack]

Not funny, not funny at all.  That is a horrible Hollies song.

[Nazurahei]

Not funny, not funny at all.  That is a horrible Hollies song.

Agreed. I can't believe the same band responsible for perfect AM rock tunes like "On a Carosel" and "Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress" would churn out that blubbering piece of crap.

[Smiling Jack]

Anything is better--"Carrie-Anne," "Hold On," "Bus Stop"--"He Ain't Heavy" sounds like how your dog barks after he's been neutered one nut at a time.

[Nazurahei]

Anything is better--"Carrie-Anne," "Hold On," "Bus Stop"--"He Ain't Heavy" sounds like how your dog barks after he's been neutered one nut at a time.

It's gotta be up there among the sappiest tunes of all time. Probably sammiched between Bobby Goldsboro's "Watching Scotty Grow" and Terry Jacks' "Seasons in the Sun."

[Smiling Jack]

It's gotta be up there among the sappiest tunes of all time. Probably sammiched between Bobby Goldsboro's "Watching Scotty Grow" and Terry Jacks' "Seasons in the Sun."

True.  "B-L-R-F-Q" spells "shitty song."  I do, however, like the song "Watching Scotty Die."  It's nice when the Dead Milkmen fix something.

On a related note, I watched Silent Running the other night.  Man, that Joan Baez soundtrack is way out of place.

[Smiling Jack]

So, Deacon, whose idea was this Carpenters filk-off anyhow?  It wasn't my idea.  I don't remember you making the challenge either.  Strange that we're the only ones to filk so far...

[Nazurahei]

So, Deacon, whose idea was this Carpenters filk-off anyhow?  It wasn't my idea.  I don't remember you making the challenge either.  Strange that we're the only ones to filk so far...

I'll have something up by Thursday. Saving the best for last, you know.

[Gabriel Cash]

Whinny Hins and Half-Orcs (to "Rainy Days & Mondays"  by the Carpenters)

This job had best pay good gold
In this temple I'd like to shit
But the priest would throw a fit
And the drow is flaunting her pussy all over town
Whinny hins and half-orcs I should really drown

A magic axe is what I could really use
Don't get me wrong
Just give me a hit from that bong
Left something in your shoe that's brown
Whinny hins and half-orcs I should really drown

That drow has a unisex doo
In this temple I'm gonna pee
Don't complain about fights we didn't lose
It's okay to wait until a time we choose

Now let's go and fight some more
Let's just try and think it out
Don't let that priest just walk about
Or I'll have to go burn down his home town
Whinny hins and half-orcs I should really drown

That drow has a unisex doo
In this temple I'm gonna pee

Now let's go and fight some more
Let's just try and think it out
Don't let that priest just walk about
Or I'll have to go burn down his home town
Whinny hins and half-orcs I should really drown

Don't complain about fights we didn't lose
It's okay to wait until a time we choose