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Author Topic: He's been here since basic  (Read 249 times)
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Smiling Jack
Uber Geek
****
Posts: 400


Will caretake wierd skulls for food
« on: September 04, 2009, 01:26:09 PM »
I Am the Owlbear (to the tune of "I Am the Owl" by the Dead Kennedys)

I am your nightmare
And you are my tasty prey
I slash through your armor
You're my adventurer buffet
It can be a boring job
To stop you coming to these tombs to rob

I hear when you're sneaking
But don't think that's my only trick
I can smell you also
When a party member smells like sick
I have got my sights on you
My feathers of fury
I'm raining down the pain on you

I am the owlbear
I bring death and dispair
Wipe 'em away
Keep the dungeons free
For party killin' folks like me
Slay, slay

Gygax was inspired by
A broken Japanese toy
A crazed wizard made me
To be his little errand boy
Bred of bear and owl, too
How in the hell did he get those things to screw?

He soon found out
I really couldn't be contained
Shoulda known before he made me
As I said he was a bit insane
Sent me out into the countryside
To the tunnels, tombs and dungeons where I reside

I am the owlbear
I bring death and dispair
Wipe 'em away
Keep the dungeons free
For party killin' folks like me  

He sent me slaying
He sent me slaying
Sent me slaying all over the country
Slaying in the crowded country
Slaying in the country
Slaying in the country
Slay
Slay
Slay—Lookout

The townfolk, they were so freaking scared
When my first escaped victim showed his vicious scar
For many years I've stalked my prey
And that's the way that things are gonna stay

Adventurers came
But nothing really ever changed
A teeny bit leaner
But still they make for tasty game

They still make for tasty game
They still make for tasty game
They still make for tasty game
They still make for tasty game

I am the owlbear
I am the owlbear
I bring death and dispair
Wipe 'em away
Keep the dungeons free
Wipe 'em away
Keep the dungeons free
Wipe 'em away
Keep the dungeons free
For me!
Logged
Plan B was always really Plan A
Nyther
Uber Geek
****
Posts: 351


Get back! Let me poke it with a stick.
« Reply #1 on: September 05, 2009, 12:37:58 AM »
Epic win! I had to say something geek-like as I am posting this with me new iPhone.
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Aww . . . I am dumb.
Brand Nar Gath
Supreme Personality of Geekhead
******
Posts: 3047


I do not boink Sheep. Often.
« Reply #2 on: September 05, 2009, 12:03:13 PM »
Quote from: Nyther on September 05, 2009, 12:37:58 AM
Epic win! I had to say something geek-like as I am posting this with me new iPhone.
...keep trying...
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Here & Back Again.
Náriël Telemnar
Entertainer
Administrator
Geek God
*****
Posts: 1184


Companion


WWW
« Reply #3 on: September 05, 2009, 01:10:51 PM »
Too many vowels...try something like:

U got pwned by teh OwlBear
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Náriël Telemnar
A Bard Going Rogue...
Nazurahei
Uber Geek
****
Posts: 374


Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.
« Reply #4 on: September 09, 2009, 09:32:28 AM »
And now, a cowbell-filled ode to my near demise...

(DON’T FEAR) THE OWLBEAR (Sung to the tune of “(Don’t Fear) The Reaper” by Blue Oyster Cult)

All the doors we’ve checked
Here, but this one’s barred
Fighters don't fear the owlbear
Nor do the thief or the priest or the mage
I can be like they are
Come on baby...don't fear the owlbear
Baby, feel my axe...don't fear the owlbear
Wow, this thing can bite...don't fear the owlbear
Baby, now I’m down

The pseudo-lich is done
Tough, but now he’s gone
Statues and ghoulish things
We sent them back to eternity... Statues and ghoulish things
A whole shitload of undead and statuary... Statues and ghoulish things
A whole shitload of undead and statuary...Dungeon Master’s friends
A whole shitload that we could slay...We just killed them all
Come on, baby...don't fear the owlbear
Baby, feel my axe...don't fear the owlbear
Wow, this thing can bite...don't fear the owlbear
Baby, now I’m down

I had a few hit points
Oops, and now they're gone
Came the end of the dungeon
And it was clear we couldn't go on
Then the door was open and the thing attacked
The owlbear knocked me down on my back
A claw and bite and I was on my back...saying don't be afraid
Come on baby...and I had no fear
And I ran to fight...then I started to die
Party looked backward and said goodbye...’cause they couldn’t heal me
I was below zero... ’cause they couldn’t heal me
Come on baby...don't fear the owlbear
Logged
There are so many little dyings that it doesn't matter which of them is death.
Smiling Jack
Uber Geek
****
Posts: 400


Will caretake wierd skulls for food
« Reply #5 on: September 09, 2009, 10:46:18 AM »

Buck Dharma couldn't have sung it better.   Smiley
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Plan B was always really Plan A
Nazurahei
Uber Geek
****
Posts: 374


Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.
« Reply #6 on: September 09, 2009, 11:27:58 AM »
Quote from: Smiling Jack on September 09, 2009, 10:46:18 AM

Buck Dharma couldn't have sung it better.   Smiley


I will grow a mustache in his honor.

Logged
There are so many little dyings that it doesn't matter which of them is death.
Smiling Jack
Uber Geek
****
Posts: 400


Will caretake wierd skulls for food
« Reply #7 on: September 09, 2009, 11:30:45 AM »

I hope you do.  I truly, truly hope that you do.
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Plan B was always really Plan A
Brand Nar Gath
Supreme Personality of Geekhead
******
Posts: 3047


I do not boink Sheep. Often.
« Reply #8 on: September 09, 2009, 11:55:48 AM »
a moustache on your character would also be nice.  very nice.
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Here & Back Again.
Nazurahei
Uber Geek
****
Posts: 374


Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.
« Reply #9 on: September 09, 2009, 12:58:19 PM »
Quote from: Brand on September 09, 2009, 11:55:48 AM
a moustache on your character would also be nice.  very nice.

I could wax the ends for that extra-dastardly touch.

Logged
There are so many little dyings that it doesn't matter which of them is death.
Nazurahei
Uber Geek
****
Posts: 374


Death may be the greatest of all human blessings.
« Reply #10 on: September 09, 2009, 02:30:33 PM »
OWLBEARS IN DUNGEONS (Sung to the tune of “Werewolves of London” by Warren Zevon)

I saw an owlbear locked up by a pseudo-lich
Holed up inside a tiny dungeon room
Don’t know just what he was doing underground
Hanging out in some paladin’s tomb

Ah-hooo, owlbears in dungeons
Ah-hooo
Ah-hooo, owlbears in dungeons
Ah-hooo

You hear him giving a hoot down the corridor
Ain’t looking for barn mice, my friend
You think he’d wise up, go live in the woods
Owlbears in dungeons again

Ah-hooo, owlbears in dungeons
Ah-hooo
Ah-hooo, owlbears in dungeons
Ah-hooo
Hunh

He's the beaked and hairy beast
Who’ll make you his feast
Watch out, man, where you’re poking
Give him wide birth
He’s a mutant from birth
Just what was Gygax smoking?

Ah-hooo, owlbears in dungeons
Ah-hooo
Ah-hooo, owlbears in dungeons
Ah-hooo

Well, I saw Erol Otis walking with the Wizard
Doin' the Owlbears in Dungeons
I saw Monte Cook walking with the Wizard
Doin' the Owlbears in Dungeons
I saw an owlbear smoking a bong on Ryan’s porch
His beak was perfect

Ah-hooo
Owlbears in dungeons
Heh, draw blood
Ah-hooo
Owlbears in dungeons
Logged
There are so many little dyings that it doesn't matter which of them is death.
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