Filk for the fallen

[Smiling Jack]

Death of a Magic User  (to the tune of "Death of a Disco Dancer" by the Smiths)

The death of a magic user
Well, it happens a lot 'round here
Ask Nyther the elf
About his health
He's been to hells
Brought back with some spells

The death of a Magic user
Well, I'd rather not get involved
The necromancer's got ideas
I don't think your problem's solved
Oh ...


Love, peace in Waterdeep
Love, peace in Waterdeep
Oh, very nice
Very nice
Very nice
Very nice
...But maybe in the next world *

...

*(This part just repeats for a long time.  I forgot about this when I was thinking about it on the way home.)

[Nazurahei]

OL’ MAN WIZARD (Sung to the tune of “Ol’ Man River” by Jerome Kern and Oscar Hammerstein)

Ol’ man wizard
Dat ol’ man wizard
He jus’ there waitin’
Our party he crematin’
He jes' keeps throwin’
He keeps on throwin’ lightnin’ bolts

He don' like arrows
Don't like t’be poked
An' dem dat hurts 'im
gets they ass smoked
But ol' man wizard
He jes keeps throwin’ lightnin’ bolts

I should be wary
Of tricky DMs
Dat wizard look weak:
A senior citizen
But ol' man wizard
He jes' keeps throwin’ lightnin’ bolts

[Folks like us work under Watertown
Folks like us work to keep de slavers at bay
Rollin' dose dice for to see if we hit
Killin’ ev’r thing what gits in our way]

Don't look up
An' don't look down,
You don' dast make
De DM frown
Roll yo’ save
Hope fo’ de best
Before you fails
An’ git laid to rest

Let me go 'way from dis ol’ Watertown
Let me go 'way fo’ I git deceased
Takes me back to dat magical tower
An’ lets me read my books in peace

Ol’ man wizard
Dat ol’ man wizard
He jus’ there waitin’
Our party he crematin’
He jes' keeps throwin’
He keeps on throwin’ lightnin’ bolts

Ol’ wizard forever keeps throwin’ bolts

He don' like arrows
Don't like t’be poked
An' dem dat hurts 'im
gets they ass smoked
But ol' man wizard
He jes keeps throwin’ lightnin’ bolts

Ol’ ass wizard strikes our mage right down
You an' me, try to knock him around
“Tough” ol’ fighters, dey cower like clowns
Save me please!
Save my ass!
Hit ‘im just once
An' he turn into gas

You an' me, we walk dese halls
Look for slavers fo’ to free their thralls
Kill dat goblin!
Smack dat rat!
Git a little gold
An' magic n’ dat

I should be wary
Of tricky DMs
Dat wizard look weak:
A senior citizen
But ol' man wizard
He jes' keeps throwin’ lightnin’ bolts

[Nazurahei]

RAISE THE MAGE (Sung to the tune of…I’m sorry, really I am… “Turn the Page” by Bob Seger)

In a dark and forlorn passage
Under Waterdeep
You dispatch all the goblins
And the wererats that they keep
You think about all the magic
And the gold that you can reap

So, down the corridor you’ll wander
And you’ll see an ancient man
He’s taunting and he’s cajoling
With a big sword in his hand
Then there’s a flash of lighting
And one fewer in your band

CHORUS:
Here I am
Underground again
There I am
Filled with rage
Here I go
Find a priest again
There I go
Raise the mage

Well you lug the body of the wizard
Back the way you came
And you know that you let him down
And you know that you’re to blame
‘Cause you hid around the corner
Like a coward without shame

Most times it’s the mage that dies
But a few times they last
All it takes is a lightning bolt
Or a fiery blast
‘Cause their hit dice are four-sided
And they go down mighty fast

CHORUS

So you’re back to the priests of Torm
Paying through the nose
Hoping they don’t take offense
To the half orc’s smelly clothes
As the necro defaces their altar
With something decomposed

You head back to the dungeon
With the wizard raised and hale
You just wish you knew
How much gold it would entail
To afford his resurrection
You pawned your plate mail

CHORUS

[Smiling Jack]

'Round Yonder Corner (to the tune of "Down on the Corner" by CCR (not that fucking Cross Canadian Ragweed band))

Halfway through the dungeon leadin' to the pirate's cove,
Found a necromancer, didn't find a treasure trove.
Four stepped around the corner trying for peaceful parlay
The fighters stayed in hiding too afraid to face the fray

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

Deacon pulls his mace out to give a bejeezus smack
Jack he moves around behind to stab him in the back
Scribe she's got her hatchets out, she knows just what to do
Mage he goes into a coma his magic days are through

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

You don't need the cleave feat, just to hang around,
But if you've got a weapon, won't you throw your 20 down
Over 'round the corner there's a shameful sight
Big ole battle goin' down, no fighters in the fight

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

[Nazurahei]

'Round Yonder Corner (to the tune of "Down on the Corner" by CCR (not that fucking Cross Canadian Ragweed band))

Halfway through the dungeon leadin' to the pirate's cove,
Found a necromancer, didn't find a treasure trove.
Four stepped around the corner trying for peaceful parlay
The fighters stayed in hiding too afraid to face the fray

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

Deacon pulls his mace out to give a bejeezus smack
Jack he moves around behind to stab him in the back
Scribe she's got her hatchets out, she knows just what to do
Mage he goes into a coma his magic days are through

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

You don't need the cleave feat, just to hang around,
But if you've got a weapon, won't you throw your 20 down
Over 'round the corner there's a shameful sight
Big ole battle goin' down, no fighters in the fight

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

'Round yonder corner
Safe from the heat
Dwarfy and the Half-orc are hidin'
Makin' plans for their retreat

[Smiling Jack]

Four filks, two filkers.  Kralig?  Deacon?  I know you guys have the skills...

[Nazurahei]

Four filks, two filkers.  Kralig?  Deacon?  I know you guys have the skills...

I just think Kralig is having difficulty figuring out something that rhymes with "so I hid like a little girl."

[Nazurahei]

The dwarf has ignored my taunts.

 

[Náriël Telemnar]

Sorry, I was barely there last week...and then only by iChat. I'll filk tomorrow...yes, I will.

I'll Filk Tomorrow (to the tune of "I'll Quit Tomorrow" by Tex and the Horseheads)

I’ve gotta teach tonight
I ain’t got time to write
I told the gang I’d filk
But deadlines are tight

Got no lyrics and
Got no rhyme
I’ll filk tomorrow
When I’ve got more time

I’ll filk tomorrow
Yes I will
I’ll filk tomorrow
Unless I’m killed

Don’t say I don’t filk no more

Well I missed last week
Still needed a song
But all of my rhymes
Just didn’t belong

Think I’ll go out
To the game tonight
I’ll filk tomorrow
'Bout my very next fight

I’ll filk tomorrow
Yes I will
I’ll filk tomorrow
Unless I’m killed

Don’t say I don’t filk no more

Well I’ve gone all week
And haven’t had no tunes
I can’t keep up with
All your fine lampoons

I think I’ll sit down
And surf to RhymeZone
I’ll filk tomorrow
It will make you groan

I’ll filk tomorrow
Yes I will
I’ll filk tomorrow
Unless I’m killed

Don’t say I don’t filk no more

[Smiling Jack]

I just think Kralig is having difficulty figuring out something that rhymes with "so I hid like a little girl."

How about "squirted out a round, brown pearl"

[Nazurahei]

I just think Kralig is having difficulty figuring out something that rhymes with "so I hid like a little girl."

How about "squirted out a round, brown pearl"

 

[Brand Nar Gath]

or "couldn't hold down his gorge / snuck away to hurl"?

[Gabriel Cash]

The dwarf has ignored my taunts.

 

Sorry did nay get a chance.