The GM will be more generous if we filk!

[Smiling Jack]

New Kind of Sick  (to the tune of "New Kind of Kick" by the Cramps)

Life is short
(No Hin jokes, please)
I try'n be a fair sport
But I carry disease
I've been ill before
Should've been confined
My resistance would soar
If I could only find
Some new kind of sick
Something I ain't had
Some new kind of buzz
I want go orc mad
I'm feelin', I'm feelin', I'm feelin' poor
Like a festerin' filthy dwarf
I'm lookin' and lookin' and lookin' and lookin' to find
Some new kind of sick
Some new kind of sick
Lemme get sick
I need it--sick

Like Mournig needs Torm
Or Felosial needs Dick
This halfling needs
Some new kind of sick.
I want some new kind of sick
I want some new kind of sick
I want some new kind of sick
I want some new kind of sick
Ohhh I'm lookin and lookin and lookin for
A virus I ain't had before
I'm lookin and lookin and lookin and lookin to find
Whoooooaaaaaa

Life ain't fun
(And dwarves all suck)
Be better in the long run
If I could have some bad luck
I want some new kind of sick
I want some new kind of sick
I want some new kind of sick
I wa wa wa wha wha waaaaoooww
Wooow
Devil Chills
Red Ache
Case of Mummy Rot
Filth Fever
Slimy Doom
Blinding Sickness
Dose of Vampirism
Some new kind of sick

[Nazurahei]

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN YELLOW (Sung to the tune of “Have You Ever Been Mellow” by Olivia Newton John)

There was a time when I just had to grab a little scroll
I was naive
There was a room with undead goodness there to see
I was naive
Now I don't mean to make you frown
A yellow beam really did slow me down

Have you never been yellow?
Have you never been zapped by a sarcophagus ray gun?
Have you never stopped breathing, suspended in time?
Have you never seen a trap that was such a crime?

Running around as I did without checking for a snare
I was naive
That’s the kind of stuff for the hin to do on a dare
I was naive
Now I’m not hard to comprehend
I thought all things undead were my friend

Have you never been yellow?
Have you never been zapped by a sarcophagus ray gun?
Have you never stopped breathing, suspended in time?
Have you never seen a trap that was such a crime?

[Nazurahei]

As if we needed any more proof that 1975 was the worst year in music, I looked up the Wikipedia entry on "Have You Ever Been Mellow" and found that its stay at the top of the Billboard charts was bookended by The Eagles' "Best of My Love" and the Doobie Brothers' "Black Water."

<Insert vomit emoticon here.>

[Brand Nar Gath]

As if we needed any more proof that 1975 was the worst year in music, I looked up the Wikipedia entry on "Have You Ever Been Mellow" and found that its stay at the top of the Billboard charts was bookended by The Eagles' "Best of My Love" and the Doobie Brothers' "Black Water."

<Insert vomit emoticon here.>

IS THERE A NAUSEA emoticon?

[Nazurahei]

As if we needed any more proof that 1975 was the worst year in music, I looked up the Wikipedia entry on "Have You Ever Been Mellow" and found that its stay at the top of the Billboard charts was bookended by The Eagles' "Best of My Love" and the Doobie Brothers' "Black Water."

<Insert vomit emoticon here.>

IS THERE A NAUSEA emoticon?

1975: The Year Music Made You Throw Up in Your Mouth.

[Smiling Jack]

Too Bad About the Fireball  (to the tune of "Too Bad About the Fire" by the Jesus Lizard)

Half baked ideas of attack
Cleric won't wait in the back
He runs up just to engage
The fighters finally weren't scared
Weapons and teeth both were bared
Now they look on in dismay
Fighting our way down the hall
These times I'm glad I am small
I won't get hurt in the back
We just woke up in a cell
And look like we've been through hell
Well, the dwarf, yeah, he looks the same
Skirmishes wearing us down
It's time to get back to town
And maybe rest for a night
Some of us like taking hits
"Let's press on just for a bit"
we'll all lead very brief lives
Our resources are all sapped
The mages could use a nap
Not time to act like buffoons
There's plenty of rations to eat
We hin wear shoes on our feet
"Hey, can we rest for the night?"
The party wants to press on
The cleric's spells are all gone
Hey, here's a room full of stuff
Atop a sarcophagus
That scroll, it looks like a plus
Now Nazurahai's froze in place
I knocked aside that foul play
And blew my party away
I hid here behind the scribe
My actions weren't very deft
Our mage has four hit points left
Now I'll hear it from the dwarf
Too bad about the fireball
Too bad about the fireball
Too bad about the fireball
Too bad about the fireball
Too bad about the fireball

[Nazurahei]

IF WE MAKE IT THROUGH THIS DUNGEON (Sung to the tune of “If we make it through December” by Merle Haggard)

If we make it through this dungeon
We’re gonna make level six I know
It's deadly tangling with these slavers
And I shivver at what we’ve found below

If we make it through this dungeon
I got plans of bein’ back in Waterdeep to bide my time
Maybe even at the tavern
If we make it through this dungeon we'll be fine

I wanted to help out the citizenry
And stop slavers from ruining our town
Heaven knows I could use the gold
And there’s got to be magic to be found

Now I don't mean to hate this dungeon
It's meant a little wealth for you and me
But now I’m frozen by a yellow beam
And Ryan still ain’t shelled out no XP

If we make it through this dungeon
We’re gonna make level six I know
It's deadly tangling with these slavers
And I shivver at what we’ve found below

If we make it through this dungeon
I got plans of bein’ back in Waterdeep to bide my time
Maybe even at the tavern
If we make it through this dungeon we'll be fine

[Nazurahei]

DUNGEON FEVER (Sung to the tune of “Ramblin’ Fever” by Merle Haggard)

My strength just dropped another point this turn
My eyes started to water and then commenced to burn
I think just I caught something from a ghoul
That crawled up from the mud
Cause I've got dungeon fever in my blood

I caught this dungeon fever a few turns ago
And now I’ve lost a finger and toe
I think that the rot is setting in
Smells like I forgot to wipe
It’s just dungeon fever got me ripe

Dungeon fever, the kind you need a cleric to remove
Dungeon fever, sure wish my saving throw’d improve

There's times I'd like to head up to the surface
And let some barber bleed me dry
He could spend all morning applying leeches
And by afternoon I’d be back in this sty

Cause the cleric’s down to just one lousy spell
Hope I can stand another day of this hell
I'm gonna die inside an alcove and rot away
Like some old shambling mound
This ol' dungeon fever’s the worst I’ve ever found

Dungeon fever, the kind you need a cleric to remove
Dungeon fever, sure wish my saving throw’d improve

[Smiling Jack]

I caught this dungeon fever a few turns ago
And now I’ve lost a finger and toe
I think that the rot is setting in
Smells like I forgot to wipe
It’s just dungeon fever got me ripe

That'll make the Deacon puke.

[Nazurahei]

I caught this dungeon fever a few turns ago
And now I’ve lost a finger and toe
I think that the rot is setting in
Smells like I forgot to wipe
It’s just dungeon fever got me ripe

That'll make the Deacon puke.

<Nazurahei begins singing the song in earshot of the cleric.>

[Smiling Jack]

Yellow is the Color  (to the tune of the Donovan song of the same name)

Yellow is the color of my scribe's new glare
And it maybe her demise
And it maybe her demise
That's the shine,
That's the shine
That I detest

Red is the color of our blo-o-ood
In the hallway, Bugbears dine
In the hallway, Bugbears dine
Broke my spine,
Broke my spine,
They crushed my chest

White is the color of the sparkling light
Down that tunnel, gods reside
Down that tunnel, gods reside
Hear the chimes
Hear the chimes
Lay me to rest

Mellow is the feeling that I get
As I drift off, mm-hmmm,
As I drift off, mm-hmmm,
That's a sign
That's a sign
End of the quest

Sixth level is a term I'll never use
Without thinking, mm-hmmm,
Without thinking, mm-hmmm,
Of the time,
Of the time,
We nearly died

[Nazurahei]

STIFFENED LIMBS (Sung to the tune of “Swinging Doors” by Merle Haggard)

This old dungeon hall is something I'm not used to
But I gave up my home to stop the slavers’ trade
I picked up a scroll and then I got ray-beamed
Now I’m frozen and I’m glowing a yellow shade

And I've got stiffened limbs, a gold glow and inertia
My new home is a creepy wizard’s lair
Stop by and see me anytime you want to
Cause I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere

I've got plenty of time to stare up at the ceiling
I've got plenty of time to stare over at the wall
Guess I better get used to this new life
I’m a living statue in this cold and stony hall

And I've got stiffened limbs, a gold glow and inertia
My new home is a creepy wizard’s lair
Stop by and see me anytime you want to
Cause I don’t think I’ll be going anywhere

[Smiling Jack]

You had better hope that the dwarf is content with just changing your clothes.

[Nazurahei]

You had better hope that the dwarf is content with just changing your clothes.

If I were livestock and not a human being, I would be a little more concerned.

[Smiling Jack]

Yellow Scribe  (to the tune of "Blue Turk" by Alice Cooper)

That scroll there, don't touch it
That's something that you oughta know
Amazin' you're glowin'
Kralig's gonna reap the seeds you sow

You're so very statuesque
You're so very cold
Tastes like roses on your breath
But graveyards in your hole

You're strainin', stength drainin'
You're trying to move to and fro
You're frozen' stiff, baby
Kralig's ready for another go
And it's burnin' holes in him

You're so very statuesque
You're so very cold
It tastes like roses on your breath
But graveyards in your hole

One magic explosion
Your former state you will attain
For you gladly, for him sadly
Kralig won't look at you quite the same

You're so very ordinary
You're so very lame
Tastes so stinky on his pinky
His earthworm smells the same