Filking the Derma Fantastique

[Brand Nar Gath]

"The Lonesome Death Of Johnny's Dermis"
from B Dylan's " " " of Hattie Carroll

Old Flappy ThinSkinner killed poor Johnny Vargis
With a flappy flop flipping
At a dingy Kirkland warehouse gath'rin'
And the posse were called in and his skin melted away
As Buck set off the special camera in a combat misplayed.
We had hoped for a ride through the tunnels
But instead booked Flappy ThinSkinner for first-degree murder.
But you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears
(and whose reflexes were not in top gear)
Take the top ten layers of dermis away from your face
You ain't got the glands for those tears.

Flappy ThinSkinner who lay in wait on the floor for years
for an unsuspecting chef
To tumble with grace into your charms.
He was high off his face, had put fear and common sense in its place
Redacted his deeds with a shrug of his shoulders
And with swear words and with mixing spoon attachment whirling
In a matter of second his skin was off flailing...
But the GM took pity, on the sloughed off sausage casement
which threatened to collect Johnny's ears...
Ask Uma for a bag for your face
Now ain't the time for your tears.

Johnny Vargis was a cook in the kitchen
He was X years old and was responsible for uncounted children
Who carried the dishes and took out the garbage
And never sat once at the head of the table
And never passed up a chance to put meatloaf on the table
Who just cleaned up all the food from the table
And who took hand to hand combat to a whole other level
Got killed by a glow, lay slain by a whirr
That sailed through the air and came down through the room
Doomed and determined to destroy all the gentle
And he never done nothing to Flappy ThinSkinner
And you who philosophize disgrace and criticize all fears
Don't take the rag away from your face
Sister Bea just peeled off her ears.

In the courtroom of honor, the Johnny would have to ponder
To show that maybe jumping though doors to yonder
Is not the finest course of action
Even the skinless should be  properly handled
Once that they have been caught,  tacked down
And that ladder of life has gone all askew
But Bea and Johnny stared straight at that camera that killed for no reason
It just happened to be set like a trap without warnin'
And he spoke through a bag, voice deep and choking
Asking for a large bucket, of aloe and ointment
Old Johnny Vargis, he  needed some karma
and  Bea, she too was caught short of her dharma.
Oh, but you whose vellum has worn thin in the harsh light
Lie down for some comfort, the morphine flowing freely
You'll need all you can get, please don't die this night.

[Johnny The Cook]

Nice! Lesson learned. No more trying to cinematically enter combat. That three times I've been burned on that so maybe it will sink in with this one.

[Joe Jack Onassis]

Sounds like I missed something big.

[Johnny The Cook]

Sounds like I missed something big.

Nope. You missed something dumb. Don't stray from the path. Don't walk into buildings. Every building is a trap...a multi-phase trap. Worse than Ryan's.

[Oprah]

Bravo Todd!

I keep forgetting to play the post-apocalyptic wasteland as fun theme park with petting zoos, and water rides with pee smelling water, and small children to bugger. 


Well, unfortunately I should have let you scavenge the Hospital and such, but I thought getting you on track with the story line was more importante. The funny thing is, I purposely avoided the skin gun with the use of the helicopters and set ya'll down at the tunnel entrance that went directly into the mountain, but for some unknown reason ya'll wanted vehicles? And I repeatedly pointed out the location of the first skinning incident, but like moths drawn to fire, ya'll were drawn to skinning hut.

[Joe Jack Onassis]

Bravo Todd!

I keep forgetting to play the post-apocalyptic wasteland as fun theme park with petting zoos, and water rides with pee smelling water, and small children to bugger. 


Well, unfortunately I should have let you scavenge the Hospital and such, but I thought getting you on track with the story line was more importante. The funny thing is, I purposely avoided the skin gun with the use of the helicopters and set ya'll down at the tunnel entrance that went directly into the mountain, but for some unknown reason ya'll wanted vehicles? And I repeatedly pointed out the location of the first skinning incident, but like moths drawn to fire, ya'll were drawn to skinning hut.

Seriously.  I have no fucking clue what is going on.  If possible, could someone responsible and factual (Ryan) briefly recap the last two weeks for me?  I feel like nucular, who obviously has no clue as to what is going on.

[Johnny The Cook]

If possible, could someone responsible and factual (Ryan) briefly recap the last two weeks for me?  I feel like nucular, who obviously has no clue as to what is going on.

Johnny got more major surgery and was healed up almost to full. Johnny scored morphine. He really wanted to give in to Rene's repeated temptations to go out scrounging, but was eventually discouraged from doing do by Dooks or Dicks. We hitched a ride on Dooks' remote control helicopters to Kirkland AFB. Right to the entrance of the tunnels we should have gone down.

Some party tactician decided we needed to steal some neighboring vehicles and explore a nearby building. The jeeps had bad tires so we decided to go inside to look for better. Johnny leapt through the open door, landed on a skin monster trap and lost copious hit points.

Others responded to his cries of distress. After we all got in and Johnny finally broke free of the monster's grapple a flash of light killed anyone who didn't make a save by burning off their skin. Those who did make saves (all but Johnny and Sister B) and who had the special feat took no damage.

The mostly dead corpses were dragged out and that is where we paused for the evening.

[Oprah]

Well. Injury in my world always gets you some kind of tech upgrade. Imagine the possibilities.... A skin-cleaver attachment. or a super nifty + 3 paper bag of invisibility.... or a really soothing balm. 

[Brand Nar Gath]

Uma's Bag of Scarred Face Holding?

[Joe Jack Onassis]

 After we all got in and Johnny finally broke free of the monster's grapple a flash of light killed anyone who didn't make a save by burning off their skin.

So Johnny is going to have hook skin?

[Brand Nar Gath]

 After we all got in and Johnny finally broke free of the monster's grapple a flash of light killed anyone who didn't make a save by burning off their skin.

So Johnny is going to have hook skin?

Now he really is going to be a Hellraiser.

[Johnny The Cook]

After we all got in and Johnny finally broke free of the monster's grapple a flash of light killed anyone who didn't make a save by burning off their skin.

So Johnny is going to have hook skin?

Think cheese grater attachment.

[Joe Jack Onassis]

Think cheese grater attachment.

"Wow, Johnny, you have such grate skin!"

[hoa nguyen]

Great filk!

And the subsequent conversation is among the funniest I've seen on the board.

Now back to the writing. Cheerio.